STOP! Over-committing Yourself!
Before moving back to Dallas after finishing up my Master's program in 2017. I made the decision and promise to myself that I would not over-commit myself to people and events.
Over-committing is defined as to commit more than is feasible, desirable, or necessary and/or obliging (oneself or others) to do more than one is capable of, as to repay a loan one cannot afford.
We over-commit ourselves for plenty of reasons. The reasons why I have previously over-committed I did not know how to say no or did not want to let others down.
Over-committing can lead to a stress-filled, unhealthy life. When we are constantly over-committing we are not allowing ourselves to rest and rejuvenate and it is not fair because we are not showing up as our best self, we are showing up as a stressed self.
I will share 4 Lessons Learned I have learned since I stopped over-committing myself:
1. I learned not to be so quick to say no or yes. I learned to check in with myself and my calendar before answering. I am one who loves to make sure I respond to people promptly. I get excited about invitations to events and connecting with people. That excitement has caused me to say yes in the past without checking my calendar. That excitement has caused me to overlook the purpose of the invitation. In the past have had to ask others to take my place in my absence or even worse decline to attending after I had already confirmed attendance. Checking in with myself means that I am attending for the right reasons, no ulterior motives. If my heart is not in it, if I can't show up as my best self and to add value I will decline.
2. I have come to terms with the fact that I am one person and I cannot and honestly will not be at everywhere at the same time- Only God Can Do That. When I had events back to back and I am ripping, running and not resting, I will eventually get sick (which is not fun). I have to be honest with myself and know when the boundary needs to be set. If I do not set the boundary, who will? Ripping, running and not resting will allow me to eventually be run down, which is not fulfilling.
3. No is a sentence and stop being sorry for not attending.
No is a sentence period. Stop saying no then apologizing for not being able to attend especially if you are not genuinely sorry. I use to feel bad for saying no, then I would say sorry for not attending. In some cases I would genuinely be sorry, in others I would not be sorry. So I stop saying no when it was not genuine and I stopped apologizing for having boundaries. Saying no is a form of boundary-setting that should be used to protect your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health. it's okay to say no.
4. I have learned that if my budget cannot handle it, I will not do it. Gone are the days of me spending my last dime, going out of my budget just to show up at an event that wasn't worth the time (which is why it's important to check in with yourself and calendar). Even the events that are worth my time and the investment-> I have to plan, give up something, pay the early bird price to make sure I am getting the most out of life and experience.
Here is a BONUS, dedicate one day to yourself where you are not over -committing yourself. For me, I started reclaiming my Sunday's back. Sunday's are my favorite days of the week and those are the days where I can rest and rejuvenate. I don't neglect my home but that's the say where I Relax in Ease Stillness and Tranquility (REST).
Over-committing oneself does not allow us to create or seek crowning moments effectively or efficiently. It deters us from our purpose and a life of intentionally. At one point I enjoyed always being the person on the scene even when I knew I should have been resting. Now I bask in the quietness of my house, in my bed chilling.
Are you over-committing yourself in any area of life?
Have you been saying yes without checking in with yourself or family?
Have you experienced burn-out lately?
We all have been there! Now it's time to make a change to take the steps to stop over-committing and showing up as your stressed self and start showing up as your best self.
Share in the comments area below, the lessons you have learned when you stopped over-committing.