P.A.S.E.: Where Wisdom Pauses and Purpose Wins
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Galatians 5: 22-23 NIV
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I have been a participant in not having self control- of my thoughts, feelings , emotions, tongue and even actions. God took me through a process of examining my mind (thoughts), motives (posture) and movements (actions). Along that process, I was reminded that self control is a fruit of the spirit and not just in action but in tongue, in the words I use and timing in which I use said words. I have always been known to speak or say what no one else in the room wants to say and while there was truth it was not truth in love.While I take full accountability for my actions and have been led to repentance, I’m also observing a growing lack of self-control within our culture. It has become a badge of honor and I don’t want you to fall the way that I have fallen so this space is to share what I have learned and ways that I have overcome.
P — Pause- Slow down before responding. Our pauses have power, sometimes I am pausing because I am processing, other times I may not have a response or filtering through my brain what's the most constructive response to have. People are used to me speaking , many aren’t used to me pausing so my power lies not just in what I say but when and even if I say.
A — Ask, Don’t Announce- Instead of making a statement, ask a clarifying question. This one can get tricky because if someone wants to get something off their chest , they don't want you asking clarifying questions, it can be annoying. Examine the space and the temperament of the person before asking if you are not sure what the expectation is? To listen, ask questions, consult etc?
S — Scroll Past It- Not every moment requires engagement. This one has saved a lot of arguments, there is a true art in scrolling past captions and comments not because you don’t have anything to say but because it's not the best use of the time. One of my favorite places I love to review is the comments. I am in awe of the amount of non helpful things people post and we as believers and kingdom representatives start to look like culture depending on the topic.
E — Examine Your Capacity- Assess your emotional, mental, and spiritual bandwidth before responding. God gives each of us capacity day by day and if we are spending it on things that don't matter assignments that are not aligned we find ourselves burnt out and not fulfilled. My friends and I implemented a phrase when we want/need to dump.. Before dumping we ask what your capacity is. And based on their capacity - that determine whether or not we dump .
Potential Questions depending on the circumstance:
Do you want reassurance, or do you want help thinking it through?
Can you walk me through the intent behind this process?
Is there flexibility to improve this workflow?
Do you want me to just listen, or are you open to some thoughts?
What part of this situation is bothering you the most?
As I’ve been pondering why self-control is listed last, I’m reminded of Pastor Tony Evans’ definition of love—compassionately, righteously, and sacrificially pursuing the well-being of another. When I filter my responses through that lens, I realize that loving well sometimes requires sacrificing what I want to say. Not because I’m wrong. Not because my feelings aren’t hurt. But because choosing restraint is more sacrificial—and in that moment, laying it down makes me look more like Jesus than winning an argument ever could.
Lord forgive us for the moments that we lacked self- control, allow us to walk in all of the fruit of the spirit not just the ones that are comfortable or talked about the most but even the ones that seem to be forgotten. You were clear that all of them matter to you and they should matter to us, allow us to live disciplines, lives in mind (thoughts), motives ( posture) and movements (actions). In Jesus Name Amen.
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