I’m really someone’s wife and people share with us how they are inspired by our marriage. That blows my mind. Being a wife is the hardest role I have ever had. I feel like I am the Saul that became Paul when it comes to being a wife. I thought marriage was cool for everyone else, but I really settled on the fact that it wasn’t for me. I didn’t want to get married and didn’t want to have kids, but I said to God, okay I see what my picks can do, let’s see what your pick got and boy it’s been a ride.

Let’s start with the meaning

• Ezer = “help,” “helper,” or “one who helps.” It does not inherently mean subordinate or assistant. The Hebrew word ezer is also used elsewhere in the Bible to describe God as a helper.

• Kenegdo = roughly “corresponding to him,” “opposite him,” “facing him,” or “a counterpart suited to him.

As a wife you are not in competition with him, you aren’t beneath him, you aren’t losing yourself to accommodate him. It’s more than a new last name, a beautifully decorated wedding and dress, a new home, the trips and everything in between. This is you bringing in strength, wisdom, support, accountability, and a shared purpose.

When my husband and I was preparing for our wedding one of our prayers was that our people would experience God by watching our union so when people tell us about the memories they created at our wedding, I see it as God reminding us of how he answered our prayers.

When we look at what marriage suppose to do when people see our marriage, they are supposed to see and experience eGod, like loving Christ like Christ loves the church , have you ever been around a married couple and after you encountered them you were like I am good somewhere along the lines they miss the mark.

We have this idea what marriage should be but God is clear about what it is and, in many cases, when you are in the thick of it you are reminded that this aint that.

We think so many times that this journey of marriage is supposed to be full of bliss, but this ain’t that.

Marriage can be beautiful. It can be joyful. It can absolutely have moments and seasons of pure bliss. But there are also battles that have to be overcome, idols that must be dismantled, and internal and external forces seeking to interrupt the union that God put together.

Individually and collectively, you both must be willing to fight, pray, and war for your union, because there is destiny on the line, dominion on the line, and territory that still needs to be conquered.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are moments when marriage feels like pure bliss. But let me keep it real: I enjoy those moments more, and I cherish them differently, knowing that I fought for this.

• I know what we fought through.

• I know the prayers I prayed.

• I know what I had to surrender.

• I know where I had to grow.

• I know what God had to transform in me.

So when I experience the beauty, the peace, and the joy, it means more because I understand the labor behind it. Not because it was simply given to me, but because somewhere along the journey, I realized:

This ain’t that.

This requires all of me, not just some of me. It requires me to be an active participant in what God is building through our union.

I am an active participant in fighting for my marriage.

I am an active participant in making hell mad through my marriage.

I am an active participant in allowing God to be glorified through my marriage.

Because ultimately, isn’t that the goal? That God gets the glory?

So the next time you’re scrolling and see a beautiful couple, remember: this ain’t that.

You’re seeing a moment. You’re not seeing the whole journey.

You don’t see the prayers they prayed.

You don’t see what they had to surrender.

You don’t see the warfare.

You don’t see the battles they fought.

You don’t see the battles they overcame.

And you certainly don’t see the battles they may still be fighting.

There are things they had to fight individually, and there are things they had to fight together, that you may never know anything about.

So don’t mistake the beauty you see for the absence of battle.

Sometimes the beauty you see is the evidence of battles you never saw.

And sometimes the bliss you admire is sweeter because somebody decided their marriage was worth fighting for.